


In the Shadows of Stars and Clouds

by Kara_Eclipse



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:54:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27018391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kara_Eclipse/pseuds/Kara_Eclipse
Summary: Though widely loved the children of Finarfin and Fingolfin experienced their own darknesses that few know about.
Relationships: Aredhel & Fingon | Findekáno, Aredhel & Turgon of Gondolin, Fingolfin | Ñolofinwë & Fingon | Findekáno, Fingon | Findekáno & Turgon of Gondolin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

Turucano looked uncomprehendingly at the sight before him, his hand pressed to his chest as he gasped for air, the sensation of being surrounded by water and the feeling of his father’s hand on the back of his shirt dragging him up out of the water despite his efforts to reach his wife lingered stirred as he stared ahead. Back then he hadn’t wanted to be rescued or dragged up from the water, and yet he had been saved. It was something he was so grateful for but only later after the fact.

Had he ever thanked his father for saving him? He couldn’t remember, and that… that hurt. It was almost as bad as if he had been poisoned with the javelin that slew his sister especially now. Dropping to his knees Turucano bowed his head in grief and guilt, his hands reaching forwards to trace over the dearly loved face of his father. The blood on Nolofinwe’s cheek clung to his fingertips yet Turucano didn’t care, he was numb and insensate to everything around him except for his father’s cold body in front of him and the memory of the once warm hand grabbing him and pulling him to safety. A soft sob managed to escape him as he leaned forwards to press his forehead to Nolofinwe’s.

“I’m sorry atar. I am so so sorry. Please…”

Please what? There was nothing that he could ask. He wanted to beg for his father to come back or to stay yet it was far too late. Turucano would ask for forgiveness yet there was no one who could grant it because the one whose forgiveness he sought was gone, gone away to Halls far removed from his reach. Another sob escaped from him as he started to cry, the tears running down Nolofinwe’s cheeks clearing streaks in the dirt and blood marring his features.

The promise he would do better, that he would make him proud died on his lips as Turucano sat up again, his eyes never leaving Nolofinwe’s face. It was so strange that only now he realized he had forgotten what his father’s laughter sounded like and how it felt to be welcomed home by him. Moving his hands he gently closed his father’s eyes. Once that was done he stood shakily, not noticing the tears still pouring down his face as he thought of what he would have to tell Findecano. Looking one last time at his father’s body before going to find others who would care for it he bowed his head.

“I am so sorry, father….”


	2. Chapter 2

“Come on try it again.” Nolofinwe instructed with laughter in his voice.

Findecano wrinkled his nose but moved into position again. In front of him Irisse was grinning wildly as she took his hands and placed one at her waist. From where he was watching them Turucano gave a sigh, clearly expecting Irisse to trip him again and this lesson to take even longer, though he couldn’t quite hide his smile hearing their father laughing at their antics.

“Irisse try not to trip your brother again, he needs to look like he knows how to dance for his coming of age party next week.”

“Yes atya~” She chirped, her grin softening as she waited for the signal.

“Please don’t tell her that. She is even more likely to trip me now!” Findecano whined plaintively causing the others to laugh. He grinned brightly and tapped his fingers lightly on Irisse’s waist to give her the beat of the music he had in mind.

“Well then you might actually have to watch your feet for a change.” Turucano teased then lifted the flute in his hands to his mouth to play the song they were using.

Findecano shrugged then he started moving, Irisse behaving this time as they repeated the dance that their parents had been teaching them recently. Nolofinwe was watching them intently noting any mistakes they made, which Findecano was sure there were some, but he didn’t say anything. Once they finished they heard clapping.

“Well done, you managed beautifully. Don’t you agree?” Anaire asked walking over to Nolofinwe who stooped to give her a kiss on the cheek.

“They did indeed. Maybe a little more practice but now that they have the basics down they are free.”

“Finally!” Irisse exclaimed and promptly took off her dressy shoes.

“Irisse!” Turucano sounded scandalized as she did so.

“If I had to wear those shoes any longer today I will scream Turvo dear.” Irisse stated primly. Then she grinned at him, picked up the shoes, and wrapped her arm around Findecano’s neck before giving a small hop certain he would lift her into his arms. Laughing he did so then carried her to the door.

“Thank you atar! See you later.”

Laughter followed them out of the room and Irisse giggled in his arms as Findecano carried her to her rooms.


	3. Chapter 3

Rising early, an unusual occurrence as Turucano preferred to sleep until the risen sun’s warmth roused him, he dressed warmly. The light was just spilling over the city as he stood on his favorite balcony. Looking out over everything he admired the radiant glow, the white towers guilded with gold and rose hues while flowers and water enticed other senses.

He stood wishing for an ounce of talent for art that was not technical drawings. This image would be amazing to share with his father or his cousins, perhaps he could share with them a glimpse of why he left and why when Arafinwe had spoken of white towers he had seemed so aware of the splendor to be seen.

That had not been the end of it though, it never had been, not before the ice not after that wasteland either. The ice stole away his precious wife, the light he sought to create warmth equal to in some small hope to have her legacy of love live on through more than their daughter. This was something he had seen then as he did now.

This would all burn though. How and when Turucano knew not. This tower in which he stood and ruled would fall, whether physically or not he wanted to say he did not know… but he would be lying for he knew it would be both. It would fall and he would fall with it.

The flames and screaming he saw in dreams now filled his vision. Perhaps he would get to share this haven one day… but something dark and foreboding said otherwise. It whispered that the only true visit from any of his kin would bring some death or another. His father would see the city but not appreciate it and as Turucano looked upwards he saw an Eagle soaring overhead.

Before he could identify that Eagle he saw something else… a cave and gold marred by scarlet the howl of a creature not yet known to him and the familiar silhouette of a cousin on the ground. Worried and terrified that he was missing something of that sort Turucano reached for that mind and calmed when he found it resting. A small hand touched his arm then and Turucano looked down to see his daughter who looked up at him worried.

Once again he looked out at his city, drinking in both the sight of it whole and that of it ablaze and blackened, before turning and allowing Itarille to lead him inside for their meal. The shadows he saw that morning never left his lips… not until it was too late and then those words burned with gleaming white towers as an Age of wonder and hope crashes to the ground.


	4. Chapter 4

If asked Findarato would laugh. Of course his cousins spoke as they had, and naturally they were frightened though they would deny it. In truth his heart sunk when he heard them, when he saw the triumphant glint in Curufinwe’s eyes and the cruel satisfaction in the curve of Tyelcormo’s mouth. Their victory was certain death for him, perhaps if one of the two came it would have gone differently.

As it was the taste of ashes filled his mouth as horrifying tales from those who escaped, a small handful and none so sought after as Mai-Maedhros, flooded his mind. For an instant he thought to forsake his own vow, only for an instant, yet the wild desperation on the face of his friend’s descendant lent him strength. Beren would go whether he would or not, and Findarato was tired of being seen as a coward or as one of the vapid courtiers who had filled his grandfather’s court.

With that frustration and anger he tore off the crown he wore and threw it. Being King of a hidden kingdom would matter little if he was caught and it now mattered less than ever before. It could not silence the heartache he felt as two dear companions who he had known since childhood turned on him. In some distant part of his mind Findarato prayed that Turucano would see that too before it was too late. Then without more waiting he left the room and grabbed his sword.

If this was the end Artanis saw for him so be it. Findarato would make it an end that his cousin would sing of for years to come. He would do everything in his power to ensure that Beren met his lady with the cursed jewel so many had died for.

When Amaire asked him he laughed and said that it was worth it, but he was not sure it was ultimately. His death felt like such a useless and worthless sacrifice, more so when he remembers how his cousins’ mocking words and sorrowful yet victorious eyes filled his mind as he bled out in the arms of his friend’s descendant.

He should have feared more when ash filled his mouth.


	5. Chapter 5

Looking up nonchalantly from his book Turgon took in the distinctly ruffled and miffed appearance of his brother. Blinking he tried to remember what was going on that day and when he remembered he shook his head.

“Don’t say it.” Fingon growled at him.

Arching an eyebrow Turgon watched him for another few moments.

“I was not going to say anything.”

“Look I get that you were right and I should not have gone with our cousins without more information but you don’t need to say that you told me so.”

“If I was going to say something of that sort I would time it better.”

“What should I do to get back at them?”

“Are you really asking me?”

“Well yes. I would normally ask them but they are the ones I want to get back at so now I want your help.”

“Now?” He repeated. “Now you listen to me? Fine, who all was involved?”

“Curufin and Celegorm, also Finrod but he looked contrite.”

“With Finrod you can threaten to pay him back then do nothing with the other two… we will want Aredhel to help.”

“Okay, I will get her then we can talk about it.”

“Sounds good.” A pause then Turgon smirked. “Oh and Finno?”

Fingon groaned and threw his hands up. “Yes, I know! You told me so.”

Turgon laughed as his brother left the room to find their sister.


	6. Chapter 6

Turucano ran his hands through his hair, his fingers trailing awkwardly through it, the locks falling through his fingers and fanning against his cheeks for a moment before settling around his face once more. The figure in the mirror seemed odd to him at first but he found that this suited him, the barely collar length hair rather than the long hair he’d sported crossing the ice. It would be easier to maintain at least and going by the look he’d received from the one who’d helped him cut it the length didn’t not suit him.

Looking at the door, a strand falling across his eyes like normal but easier to brush back once more, he debated going to find and speak with his sister or another family member but the thought of keeping this change to himself for a little while longer appealed more. For so long he’d simply followed his father and grandfather that this slight deviation in something so simple as appearance felt refreshing and enlivening like nothing he’d done before had.

Smiling he adjusted his tunic and grabbed his sword belting it at his waist thinking to go speak with Ecthelion and find out his opinion about the change but he stopped with his hand lightly resting against the door feeling strangely unsure of what he was doing. Groaning he rested his forehead against the door as well and closed his eyes this would not be his life would it? The constant wavering between certainty and uncertainty.

Clenching his hand into a fist he stayed there for a moment then straightened and before he could rethink it he left his room and headed away from where he knew his father and older brother were. It didn’t matter who saw him now as long as he didn’t have to see the shock or confusion on their faces.

It was mostly by chance that he came across Ecthelion and his sister before anyone else. Slipping into the room he sat down at the table where they were drinking and playing some sort of game. Irisse looked up then grinned and poured him a cup of whatever they were drinking.

“It’s about time you came out of hiding to join us Turvo.”

Ecthelion looked over and was about to say something but the words clearly left his mind before he could speak them and he blinked a few times to make sure he was seeing him clearly. Turucano smiled a little shyly as he ran a hand through his hair and sat in the free chair.

“Sorry Irye. I was busy.”

“What happened?” Ecthelion finally managed to ask.

Shifting a bit once more feeling that uncertainty he grabbed the drink and tried not to hold the cup too tightly because he’d hoped to avoid explanations and simply get opinions.

“I felt like a change… it will be easier to keep neat while working on everything anyways.“ He answered slightly defensively. Irisse saw Ecthelion opening his mouth to speak again and glared at him.

“It looks good Turvo. It will be odd to get used to for a bit but I think that it suits you.”

Turucano gave her a grateful smile and a nod. “Thank you Irisse.”

“Just don’t be offended if no one can recognize you on sight for a while. We’re all still going to be used to calling you ‘the tall guy with the ridiculously long hair’ I mean this is what, the first time you’ve really cut it?”

“Something like that, and not to worry I consider myself fairly warned.”


	7. Chapter 7

Deeply he slept, oblivious to the concerned healer checking on him, the herbs that he added to his tea dragged him deeper than he had intended and truly some nights it was all he could do to manage a few hours of sleep. He chose to do it as he did because nothing required his attention or so he thought yet somehow something came up and someone tried to wake him but he had not stirred. The drugs cocooned him in soft warmth blocking out the nightmarish images and dreams that kept him alert at any other time.

At last he stirred and looked blearily at the head healer, Sarnaro, who was sitting in his line of sight looking worried and furious.

“What did you think you were doing? You know what using Valerian after drinking can do to a person.” Sarnaro snarled lowly. Seeing the concern on Turgon’s face he gave a sharp laugh and shook his head sharply. “I have told no one, though I should. What do you think would have happened if you had not woken? If you had overdosed yourself so far?”

Turgon turned his head, his eyes closing as he fully understood why the healer was so furious. Had it been his father or brother he would have been furious as well… yet how could he function if sleep constantly evaded him? At last he sat up and buried his face in his hands.

“I did not think I have that much.”

“Clearly you were wrong. Now I am waiting for an explanation or would you rather I just guess?”

“I cannot sleep otherwise.”

“Bullshit.”

“Is it? Have you actually seen me sleeping, actually sleeping not passed out at my desk or on the couch in the library?”

There was a pause as Sarnaro thought back. As the silence continued Turgon felt a hysterical laugh trying to bubble up. The healer’s hand touched his neck startling Turgon into looking up at him.

“No, but you cannot keep drugging yourself like this.”

“I know… I don’t do it often, but I know that even with how much I use it that it is getting dangerous.” Turgon admitted looking away.

“Also what do we do if we cannot wake you?”

“What would you have me do then?”

“Come speak with me. Whenever you feel that you need to sleep and that there is no other way come to me. I can make sure that you will not overdose, and you can sleep safely.” Sarnaro said gently.

While this had not been an issue before they both knew it could easily become one. With that in mind Turgon looked up and nodded slowly. He could do that, and it would make sure that Idril would never happen to find him so deeply asleep he would not wake up at all.


	8. Chapter 8

Turucano clung to his father, curled up as small as he could possibly be, and shook with sobs and with illness. The plunge into the water left him weakened and it felt almost like the only real warmth he had was coming from his father. Nolofinwe’s hand ran carefully through his hair, the slow repetitive motion seemed somehow more soothing than anything else at that moment that and the knowledge that his daughter was curled up safely with his sister.

“Easy Turvo.” Nolofinwe murmured lowly, resting his cheek lightly against Turucano’s head.

Tears started falling them and Turucano turned his head so they couldn’t freeze on his cheeks if someone opened the entrance to the tent. They were all here though, his father and siblings, they were here with him and his daughter and no one would be coming. That caused the shaking to get worse and he gave a soft whine.

“Sh-she’s gone…” He managed, as though his father didn’t know and couldn’t see the marks of his wife’s death on him.

Nolofinwe nodded slowly and hugged him tighter, wrapping the blanket and cloaks tighter around him. Turucano whimpered lowly as warmth finally started seeping back in all but burning him as it did so. A hand pressed against his back between his shoulders and Turucano half turned his head. Findecano pressed a flask of water to his lips and Turucano took a slow drink of it careful not to spill any.

“Itarille is sleeping. When she wakes she will likely want to curl up with you Turucano.” Findecano warned him knowing that with how like Elenwe his daughter looked Turucano would need some warning.

Surprisingly exhausted Turucano managed to nod so Findecano would know he heard him. His brother moved away again and he closed his eyes hoping a relatively dreamless sleep would find him. As he drifted off Turucano heard his father snarl something under his breath.

“ _Damn it Feanaro… why did you burn those ships?_ “


End file.
